QUESTIONS: Really bad jokes

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Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
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Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
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A stick.
What is the best definition of a mixed emotion?
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Watching the mother-in-law reverse off a cliff driving your brand new car.
Why is divorce so expensive?
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Because it's worth it.
How many selfish people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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Only one, the world revolves around them.
What is another name for female Viagra?
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A Diamond.
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
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Easily, concrete floors are very hard to crack!
If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 4 pears and 3 pineapples in the other hand, what would you have?
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Very large hands.
How can a man go eight days without sleep?
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He sleeps at night.
Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today?
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Because he’s dead.
Why did a confused woman stare at a carton of apple juice for 20 minutes?
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Because it said “Concentrate” on the side of the carton.
Why does nobody eat clowns?
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Because they taste funny.
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
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Because there wasn't a single person there.
What do people in prison use to communicate with each other?
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Cell phones
What is the longest sentence that a man knows?
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I do.
What would you have if you crossed a panther with a burger?
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Really fast food.
Why do traffic lights rarely go swimming?
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Because they take much too long to change.
Why is it that birds fly southwards for the winter?
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Because it’s much too far to walk.
What falls regularly though never gets hurt?
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Rain.
Why is it that people always walk whenever they play the bagpipes?
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Even they are attempting to get away from that awful noise.
Why do you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
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Because they’re really good at it.
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
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Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
What do a green apple and a red apple have in common?
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They’re both red except for the green one.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
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Between you and me, something smells.
Which is the most curious letter?
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Y.

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